Professional relationships have room for curiosity, useful exchanges and the simple pleasure of hearing from someone again.
By Arbab Naseebullah Kasi, Chief Executive Officer - CEO, Feel Worldwide Foundation Inc.
Brass keys and loose threads form a constellation of connections. Original painting-style illustration accompanying “Keep in Touch Before You Need a Favour.”
Consider this ordinary, hypothetical situation. Someone who once worked beside you appears in an announcement about a new project. You remember a conversation you enjoyed, wonder how they are doing and briefly think about sending a message. Then the hesitation arrives. It has been a long time. Perhaps they will assume you want something. Perhaps the message can wait.
Months later, you need advice about a field they know well. Now the silence feels harder to cross.
There is another way to approach professional relationships. Make room for contact while there is still time to be interested in the person, rather than rushing immediately toward an outcome. Share something relevant. Ask how a project developed. Offer a sincere update when an earlier conversation helped you.
This does not require constant availability or a calendar full of coffees. It asks for a little attention, a clear reason to reach out and respect for the other person's freedom to respond.
Look beyond the people you hear from every day
Close colleagues can understand your circumstances in considerable detail. Someone further from your everyday work may bring a different set of questions, experiences or opportunities. Both kinds of relationship deserve a place in professional life.
A large study published in Science in September 2022 examined randomized changes to LinkedIn's connection recommendations involving more than 20 million users over five years. It found evidence that weaker connections could increase job mobility. The pattern depended on how connection strength was measured and on the industry: weaker ties were more beneficial in more digital industries, while stronger ties were more beneficial in less digital industries. Read the original study's abstract.
Those results concern a particular platform and employment outcomes. They do not establish that adding strangers indiscriminately will improve a career, or that close relationships should be neglected. A reasonable practical lesson is to leave room for people beyond your immediate circle, without turning connection counts into a personal target.
Think about the people whose work touches yours from another direction. A former classmate may now work in a different industry. Someone you met through a community project may understand a problem from the service user's side. A colleague from an earlier job may have followed a path you have never considered.
You can be interested in those perspectives before you know precisely how they will be useful.
Time apart does not automatically erase a relationship
Reconnecting can feel awkward because the other person remembers an earlier version of your life. You may also be carrying an outdated picture of theirs. That makes a little mutual updating worthwhile.
In a research account published in MIT Sloan Management Review in 2011, Daniel Z. Levin, Jorge Walter and J. Keith Murnighan described asking 224 executives in executive MBA classes to reconnect with two contacts they had not spoken with for at least three years. Participants sought advice about important work projects. They rated advice from these dormant contacts as at least as useful, and often more useful, than advice from current contacts. These were participants' assessments in a selected educational setting, not a guarantee that any old contact will provide valuable advice. Read the authors' research account.
The finding offers a reason to reconsider a relationship that simply became quiet. It does not create an obligation to restore a connection that ended badly or to approach someone who has asked for distance.
When a relationship faded naturally, a straightforward acknowledgment is enough. You can say that it has been a while and explain what brought the person to mind. There is no need to build an elaborate excuse for every year that passed.
Leave space to learn who they are now. Their work, interests and availability may have changed considerably.
Make the first message easy to receive
A useful opening gives the recipient enough context to recognize you and understand why you are writing. If the connection is distant, briefly mention where you met. If something specific prompted the message, name it.
For example, imagine a former colleague whose public presentation reminds you of an earlier shared project. An illustrative message might read: “I saw your presentation on making training materials clearer. It brought back our conversations about the induction guide. I enjoyed hearing how your approach has developed and wanted to say hello.”
There is no request hidden inside that message. If you do need help, say so rather than using a friendly opening to conceal the purpose.
It may also be worth questioning the assumption that a small, unexpected message will be unwelcome. Research first published online in July 2022 examined reaching out across experiments involving more than 5,900 participants. People tended to underestimate how much recipients appreciated contact. The research included existing social connections and measured appreciation, rather than proving that messages create lasting friendships or professional opportunities. Read the American Psychological Association's account.
That is encouragement to be considerate and genuine, not permission to ignore boundaries. Keep the message proportionate to the relationship. A short greeting should not require the recipient to digest your entire career history.
When you need advice, ask for something specific
There is nothing shameful about reaching out because you need help. A job loss, a career change or a difficult project may make the need immediate. You do not have to spend months performing friendliness before making an honest request.
Clarity matters more than pretending there is no request. Explain what you are trying to understand, why you thought of this person and what kind of help would be useful. Give them a manageable choice about participating.
MIT's Career Advising and Professional Development guidance offers a practical public example. For informational interviews, it recommends explaining the connection, stating the field you are exploring and requesting a conversation of around 20 to 30 minutes. It also advises preparing questions and respecting the agreed time. This is guidance for gathering career information, not evidence that a particular meeting length produces a job offer. Read MIT's informational-interview guide.
Compare a broad request to “help me get into communications” with a narrower question: “I am comparing internal communications and community engagement roles. Would you be open to a short conversation about what your working week involves?”
The second request gives the other person a clear way to help. It also leaves them free to suggest an email exchange, recommend a public resource or decline.
If you are asking for a referral, name that request. A referral can involve someone else's professional reputation, so give them room to decide whether they know your work well enough.
Offer something that fits the person
Reciprocity need not be an immediate exchange of equal favours. A person with less experience may still contribute a thoughtful question, a useful resource, a fresh perspective or help with a small task they can competently complete.
Start with relevance. If someone mentioned an interest in accessible event design, a well-chosen public guide could be useful. Sending five unrelated links every week is a different kind of interaction. Ask yourself whether the message responds to something the person actually cares about.
Make an offer small enough to keep. If you can review one paragraph, offer that. If you know a public resource, share it without presenting yourself as an expert in the whole subject. Avoid promises made mainly to create a favourable impression.
Introductions deserve particular care. Before connecting two people, ask each whether they would welcome it. Explain the reason and share only the context needed. Someone's private job search, contact details or personal circumstances should not become material for demonstrating how helpful you are.
And allow ordinary friendliness to remain ordinary. A useful exchange does not have to end with a referral, collaboration or measurable return.
Let the conversation change your understanding
Suppose, in another hypothetical example, someone considering a move into project coordination contacts a former coworker. They expect to hear about scheduling software. Instead, the conversation reveals how much of the role involves negotiating priorities, explaining delays and getting decisions from busy people.
The next step might be to revise a learning plan, explore a different role or ask another practitioner about their experience. The value of the conversation lies partly in discovering what the original question missed.
Listen for the limits of the advice as well. Which part comes from the person's own workplace? What might differ in a smaller organisation, another country or a different sector? A generous contact can offer a valuable perspective without being able to describe an entire profession.
When something helps, a brief later update can make the exchange feel complete. You might explain which suggestion you tried and what it clarified. Keep that update honest, including when an idea did not fit your situation.
There is no need to turn the message into another request. Sometimes letting someone know that their time mattered is enough.
Keep the relationship free of pressure
A reply is an invitation to that exchange, not unlimited access. Someone who answers one question has not agreed to become a permanent adviser, review every application or introduce you throughout their organisation.
Pay attention to pace. If a person says they are busy, believe them. If they decline, thank them without asking for a justification. If there is no response, avoid turning uncertainty into repeated messages across several channels.
A brief follow-up can sometimes be appropriate when there was a clear request and enough time has passed. It should be easy to decline and should not imply a debt. After that, leave room for silence. You cannot know everything competing for someone's attention.
The same courtesy applies when you receive requests. You may answer, suggest a resource or explain that you cannot help. Maintaining professional relationships does not require abandoning your own limits.
This is especially important when there is a difference in authority. A senior person's friendly invitation should leave a junior colleague genuinely free to say no.
Choose a practice you can sustain
You do not need an elaborate system to begin. Think of someone you would be glad to hear from, someone whose work you remain curious about or someone to whom you promised a small update.
Choose one genuine reason to make contact. Write in your own voice. Remove anything that exaggerates closeness, disguises a request or creates unnecessary work for the recipient. Then let the exchange develop at a pace both people can manage.
If reminders help, use them to remember commitments rather than to manufacture a stream of messages. A note that says “send the public resource I promised” serves a relationship. A demand to produce a fixed number of contacts every day can pull attention toward volume.
There will be conversations that go nowhere and reconnections that remain occasional. They do not all need to become something larger.
Professional life has space for people who remember your work, challenge your assumptions and are pleased to hear how things turned out. Give those relationships some attention while there is time for curiosity. When a real need eventually arises, you can ask honestly, with respect for the person on the other side.
